ferthathrillofit:

It isn’t to get away from reality, it isn’t because i can’t stand sobriety; it’s to have fun with life and experience new things otherwise impossible to experience. My brain strives for a better understanding of the world, a new perspective, a new point of view…the different state of mind acquires all these and more for me. 

(Source: 1gaugeferthathrillofit)

thoughts of you creep into my head at the most horrific times. i’ll be doing completely normal things, with people completely unrelated to you and suddenly i’m thinking about all the times we would stay up until three on sunday mornings with school in less than four hours. playing pokemon and halo. fighting with you. watching harry potter. listening to metal. eating oatmeal. getting kicked out after a fight with my stepdad and going to your house.  even fighting with you wasn’t that bad. it never made me love you less. i loved being in your arms late at night. your hugs meant the world to me. your eyes spoke volumes. i miss those eyes. it’s like we’re not even friends. we don’t hangout. you don’t miss me. you don’t think of me. no one does anymore. no one misses me anymore. i’m alone. more alone than i’ve ever been. loveless. in every way possible. i’m letting go though. all of it. i still have a lot questions though, love. 

i keep telling myself that i’ll write some of my thoughts down because i don’t want to forget what’s going on rightnow but i can’t write fast enough. i keep telling myself that i’ll make a post that isn’t about you. that isn’t for you. i keep lying to myself. when i start thinking of anything deeper than the weather, my mind turns to you. you’re still what i think about. i want to let you go so bad. i’m trying so hard. list time.

What I’m going to do to get over you:

flirt with a lot of guys.

draw a lot of monster.

ignore you.

fake smile a lot.

smoke lots of cannabis.

play too many videogames.

eat too much.